I'm going zen. First, thank you for all the encouraging messages and emails that followed that last blog post. Yes I am struggling, but it's really helpful and wonderful to hear from the amazing people I have in my life.
Second...today a miracle happened, and we got books!!! ahhhhh I have never appreciated workbooks so much in my life! That will make teaching so much easier. Third...I'm going to the Honduras football game this weekend in San Pedro Sula!! Should be ridiculously awesome. That means that I will have attended professional soccer games in four different countries, which I think is pretty sweet. And fourth...right now I'm drinking a beverage called "Licuado de frutas" (liquid fruits) that is literally made out of watermelon and ice, and it's so delicious.
I'm taking a step back from stressing, because I'm living in Honduras and in the scheme of things my life is good and beating myself up every night or allowing myself to go crazy won't do anyone any good. I will serve the students the best if I emit positive energy! Doing that will make me happier also. Like I said...I'm going zen and finding my center. Big breath in, big breath out. :)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
What was I thinking?
No, I'm serious. What was I thinking?
The kids stopped being cute about a week and a half ago. I feel like I look older every day. I have never been this tired in my life. I can't remember the last time I had solid poop. My arms hurt from trying to wash my clothes by hand over the weekend. Also, I ruined one of my shirts in that laundry-washing process. This morning I found two cockroaches in my house, and every day I find a new spider nest in my room. We lose electricity several times a week. My students don't speak English. They just straight up don't speak English. Today I asked them to write two sentences on a piece of paper, and half of them just wrote random words down. When I asked each one of them (very kindly!) what they were writing, they all just stared at me. This job would be hard in English... in Spanish, it feels impossible.
If anyone out there is feeling bored and/or feeling like they'd like a change of pace...please come to Honduras and be my teaching assistant. Another person in that classroom would make things so much easier for me! Think about it...
Anyway. Today was a really long day. Usually I have at least a couple of planning periods, but today I had my second graders from 7:40am-1:20pm. That is a very, very long time. By the end of the day, they were simply wild. I don't really have any efficient way to control them in the afternoons, because my only threat to them is to take away their recess for the next day, which seems really stupid to me. The curriculum is ridiculously demanding- it would be challenging for native English speakers! We didn't even get through half of the reading lesson for today. Furthermore, I know that although some of them can read, most of them don't understand what they're reading. I have no idea if my students are retaining anything I am trying to teach them. I feel like when I try to do things to make the lessons more fun or interesting or easy to learn, they just get so out of control so easily. For example, today I gave them pennies to count and they just started smacking the pennies on the desk and throwing them around.
We don't have any windows (we have open-air classrooms), so closing the door does nothing for noise. Half the time I don't know if my class is being loud, or if the noise is coming from outside. When it's recess, I can't hear myself talk, so there's no way the class can hear me talk. Trying to teach math during the other grades' recess is a nightmare, because balls are being kicked against the wall, children are screaming and laughing, etc. There is also always construction going on, which is really horrible to try to speak over.
In the morning and before they go home, my students will all run up to me and give me big hugs and hang on me and play with my hair (it's light- not something they're used to), and I would love to say that that makes it all worth it. But honestly, all I can think about is how tired I am and how inadequate I am for this position. I am scared of letting this kids down, of not being able to teach them what they need to know.
I can still say that Honduras is still one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, and every time I walk out of my classroom and see the mountains and the cloud forest, I am still overwhelmed with their grandeur. I love the family I live with, and the other teachers at the school, and I feel so lucky that I'm not sitting in an office every day. I love my students, especially the troublemakers. And I do still think they're really cute (except when they won't stop talking during class). I am just scared that I'm going to fail these children because I don't know what I'm doing. If I knew right now that my students would be fine and right where they're supposed to be at the end of the year, then I wouldn't complain anymore. But I'm very scared that for all my efforts, successes and failures, at the end of the year they won't be where they are supposed to be, and that will be my failure as a teacher. I guess I wasn't really comprehending the responsibility involved in this job when I signed up for it. :(
The kids stopped being cute about a week and a half ago. I feel like I look older every day. I have never been this tired in my life. I can't remember the last time I had solid poop. My arms hurt from trying to wash my clothes by hand over the weekend. Also, I ruined one of my shirts in that laundry-washing process. This morning I found two cockroaches in my house, and every day I find a new spider nest in my room. We lose electricity several times a week. My students don't speak English. They just straight up don't speak English. Today I asked them to write two sentences on a piece of paper, and half of them just wrote random words down. When I asked each one of them (very kindly!) what they were writing, they all just stared at me. This job would be hard in English... in Spanish, it feels impossible.
If anyone out there is feeling bored and/or feeling like they'd like a change of pace...please come to Honduras and be my teaching assistant. Another person in that classroom would make things so much easier for me! Think about it...
Anyway. Today was a really long day. Usually I have at least a couple of planning periods, but today I had my second graders from 7:40am-1:20pm. That is a very, very long time. By the end of the day, they were simply wild. I don't really have any efficient way to control them in the afternoons, because my only threat to them is to take away their recess for the next day, which seems really stupid to me. The curriculum is ridiculously demanding- it would be challenging for native English speakers! We didn't even get through half of the reading lesson for today. Furthermore, I know that although some of them can read, most of them don't understand what they're reading. I have no idea if my students are retaining anything I am trying to teach them. I feel like when I try to do things to make the lessons more fun or interesting or easy to learn, they just get so out of control so easily. For example, today I gave them pennies to count and they just started smacking the pennies on the desk and throwing them around.
We don't have any windows (we have open-air classrooms), so closing the door does nothing for noise. Half the time I don't know if my class is being loud, or if the noise is coming from outside. When it's recess, I can't hear myself talk, so there's no way the class can hear me talk. Trying to teach math during the other grades' recess is a nightmare, because balls are being kicked against the wall, children are screaming and laughing, etc. There is also always construction going on, which is really horrible to try to speak over.
In the morning and before they go home, my students will all run up to me and give me big hugs and hang on me and play with my hair (it's light- not something they're used to), and I would love to say that that makes it all worth it. But honestly, all I can think about is how tired I am and how inadequate I am for this position. I am scared of letting this kids down, of not being able to teach them what they need to know.
I can still say that Honduras is still one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, and every time I walk out of my classroom and see the mountains and the cloud forest, I am still overwhelmed with their grandeur. I love the family I live with, and the other teachers at the school, and I feel so lucky that I'm not sitting in an office every day. I love my students, especially the troublemakers. And I do still think they're really cute (except when they won't stop talking during class). I am just scared that I'm going to fail these children because I don't know what I'm doing. If I knew right now that my students would be fine and right where they're supposed to be at the end of the year, then I wouldn't complain anymore. But I'm very scared that for all my efforts, successes and failures, at the end of the year they won't be where they are supposed to be, and that will be my failure as a teacher. I guess I wasn't really comprehending the responsibility involved in this job when I signed up for it. :(
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Fifth grade again
Every day I come to a hotel in Gracias for its free internet.
Today, after sitting here for a while, the guy working at the hotel restaurant (not attractive, not my age) passed me a note.
It reads:
Hola soy adelmo y me gustaria tener su correo electronico y tambien su nomero de movil disculpo por ser tan atrevido.
Gracias antemano.
Translation:
Hello, I'm Adelmo and I would like to have your e-mail address and also your phone number. Sorry for being so forward.
Thank you beforehand.
Uh. awesome. After a small panic attack (I come here every day! Awkwardness is not what I want) and a quick gmail message to one of my friends that's here with me, and a serious attempt to not start laughing, I responded, "Lo siento! Tengo un novio." ("Sorry! I have a boyfriend"-- the single girl's answer to every creepy man).
I guess I can give him credit because he wrote me a note instead of hissing at me on the street, which is usually my experience with men here in Honduras.
He saw me write it but keeps walking by without picking it up. I'm very uncomfortable! Am I in fifth grade again?
haha... I would just like to add that this blog was written in response to Sarah's request upon reading the note: "uh, blog about that please."
Today, after sitting here for a while, the guy working at the hotel restaurant (not attractive, not my age) passed me a note.
It reads:
Hola soy adelmo y me gustaria tener su correo electronico y tambien su nomero de movil disculpo por ser tan atrevido.
Gracias antemano.
Translation:
Hello, I'm Adelmo and I would like to have your e-mail address and also your phone number. Sorry for being so forward.
Thank you beforehand.
Uh. awesome. After a small panic attack (I come here every day! Awkwardness is not what I want) and a quick gmail message to one of my friends that's here with me, and a serious attempt to not start laughing, I responded, "Lo siento! Tengo un novio." ("Sorry! I have a boyfriend"-- the single girl's answer to every creepy man).
I guess I can give him credit because he wrote me a note instead of hissing at me on the street, which is usually my experience with men here in Honduras.
He saw me write it but keeps walking by without picking it up. I'm very uncomfortable! Am I in fifth grade again?
haha... I would just like to add that this blog was written in response to Sarah's request upon reading the note: "uh, blog about that please."
Exhaustion
It's kind of funny. Looking back on my blogs, I think they sound a lot chirpier than I actually am. In truth, this week has been absolutely and completely exhausting. I felt stressed out for the majority of it. I feel totally inadequate as a teacher. The teacher my students had in first grade was very militant (there's no other word to describe how he treats his students), and now that they have me, I think they are much more inclined to misbehave. I don't know how to control second graders, or teach them what they need to know. Especially when they can't speak English. A little girl spilled yesterday, and I asked her to go find someone to clean it up, and she had no idea what I was saying. There is a huge language barrier here that I don't know how to overcome.
We still don't have workbooks for our students. People have said to me, "well, at least you're getting workbooks," but that doesn't really make me feel better. The administration told us all along that we would have workbooks. The Abundant Life school in Tegucigalpa has proper soccer uniforms for the students there, but we don't have workbooks or school supplies. Three out of the five nights this week I have gone to bed crying because I just don't know how to do this, and I'm so scared to let these kids down. I don't care about getting in trouble from the administration (their expectations of us are completely unrealistic) or anything like that. I just want these children to have a wonderful second grade year, and I'm scared I don't know how to give that to them. I also am still getting used to the electricity going out every day, incredibly slow (if existent) internet, bugs everywhere, cold showers, untethered dogs, etc.
It's been a very long week.
We still don't have workbooks for our students. People have said to me, "well, at least you're getting workbooks," but that doesn't really make me feel better. The administration told us all along that we would have workbooks. The Abundant Life school in Tegucigalpa has proper soccer uniforms for the students there, but we don't have workbooks or school supplies. Three out of the five nights this week I have gone to bed crying because I just don't know how to do this, and I'm so scared to let these kids down. I don't care about getting in trouble from the administration (their expectations of us are completely unrealistic) or anything like that. I just want these children to have a wonderful second grade year, and I'm scared I don't know how to give that to them. I also am still getting used to the electricity going out every day, incredibly slow (if existent) internet, bugs everywhere, cold showers, untethered dogs, etc.
It's been a very long week.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Dogs and Water
Another thing I will never again take for granted: running water! This morning I woke up (at 5am, like I will be doing for the rest of the year, ugh) and tried to turn on the sink, and all it gave me was a big bubbling noise. The torrential downpour we have here every night knocked out our running water! Try getting ready for school without water... not easy.
The scariest thing that I think I have ever experienced happened to me yesterday. When I say that it was the scariest thing ever... I'm serious. I went back to my house and tried to tell the family I live with here about it, and I just started crying. As I was walking home, talking on the phone to my mom, all of a sudden I heard a loud barking. There are a lot of dogs here and I have never seen one on a leash, but usually they are not aggressive. All of a sudden, I saw that this enormous brown dog was walking towards me, growling and barking. I stopped walking out of instinct (I've always been told not to run) and all I could say was "Oh my God. Oh my God," because I literally thought I was about to be attacked by a dog. And this dog would have ripped me to pieces. The crazy thing was, his owner was right there, watching it happen. At first he was laughing, because I was obviously so petrified, but then as the dog didn't stop walking towards me, he started panicking and yelling his dog's name. The dog stopped maybe two feet in front of me, ignoring his owner, barking like crazy, while I was unable to move and on the phone with my mom. Finally at the last second the dog turned and took off running down the street. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, without any shadow of a doubt, because I felt so helpless. If that dog had decided to attack me, it just would have torn me up and there would have been very little I could do about it. :( awful.
It's the end of the week, and I am struggling with my class. First, I really struggle because my students cannot follow the simplest of instructions. Today I asked them to write down some really easy words in cursive, just so I could evaluate their writing. I must have repeated the instructions four or five times, but no one was writing. So I had to go around to almost every student and point to their paper and say, "write. write. write. write." I don't think they are trying to be disobedient, I think that they don't really understand English. Also, one of the other teachers told me that it is a cultural thing, a problem in the education system here that students just don't do what they're told. I am also struggling because my students range so much in ability. Some can read books and write down their thoughts in English, while others simply can't understand a word of English. I don't know how to teach to the middle child. I try to help students if they ask for help, but some finish really early and start wandering around the classroom, or worse, bothering the students who haven't finished. I don't know how to do this! (Have I mentioned that before?) I'm so frustrated. We also still don't have books or workbooks, which makes things even more difficult. I don't know.
I am going to spend the weekend sleeping, trying to stay healthy (I woke up with a sore throat this morning), and maybe visiting a pottery village near Gracias! Send me any advice you might have about fighting off dogs or managing six and seven year olds.
The scariest thing that I think I have ever experienced happened to me yesterday. When I say that it was the scariest thing ever... I'm serious. I went back to my house and tried to tell the family I live with here about it, and I just started crying. As I was walking home, talking on the phone to my mom, all of a sudden I heard a loud barking. There are a lot of dogs here and I have never seen one on a leash, but usually they are not aggressive. All of a sudden, I saw that this enormous brown dog was walking towards me, growling and barking. I stopped walking out of instinct (I've always been told not to run) and all I could say was "Oh my God. Oh my God," because I literally thought I was about to be attacked by a dog. And this dog would have ripped me to pieces. The crazy thing was, his owner was right there, watching it happen. At first he was laughing, because I was obviously so petrified, but then as the dog didn't stop walking towards me, he started panicking and yelling his dog's name. The dog stopped maybe two feet in front of me, ignoring his owner, barking like crazy, while I was unable to move and on the phone with my mom. Finally at the last second the dog turned and took off running down the street. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, without any shadow of a doubt, because I felt so helpless. If that dog had decided to attack me, it just would have torn me up and there would have been very little I could do about it. :( awful.
It's the end of the week, and I am struggling with my class. First, I really struggle because my students cannot follow the simplest of instructions. Today I asked them to write down some really easy words in cursive, just so I could evaluate their writing. I must have repeated the instructions four or five times, but no one was writing. So I had to go around to almost every student and point to their paper and say, "write. write. write. write." I don't think they are trying to be disobedient, I think that they don't really understand English. Also, one of the other teachers told me that it is a cultural thing, a problem in the education system here that students just don't do what they're told. I am also struggling because my students range so much in ability. Some can read books and write down their thoughts in English, while others simply can't understand a word of English. I don't know how to teach to the middle child. I try to help students if they ask for help, but some finish really early and start wandering around the classroom, or worse, bothering the students who haven't finished. I don't know how to do this! (Have I mentioned that before?) I'm so frustrated. We also still don't have books or workbooks, which makes things even more difficult. I don't know.
I am going to spend the weekend sleeping, trying to stay healthy (I woke up with a sore throat this morning), and maybe visiting a pottery village near Gracias! Send me any advice you might have about fighting off dogs or managing six and seven year olds.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Day 3 and photos
Welcome to Second Grade!
The back of the classroom:
My very own white board:
Yes, I am a real teacher
The dinosaur-resembling moth that perched itself on my door:
My last two days have been much better than the first. Today was better than yesterday. I am getting used to waking up at 5am to get to school on time, learning what kinds of activities second graders are interested in, and what methods of discipline seem to work. Let me just say though, that disciplining these second graders is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had one absolutely adorable little boy sobbing today behind my door because I had to reprimand him (for fighting in the hallway!). It breaks my heart! I am trying to be tough Kirsty for now, so that they behave a little bit. My students aren't unruly, exactly...but they are very full of energy and not that good at listening to directions. But I adore them. I don't want to put pictures of them up on this blog, but maybe on my facebook page. Stay tuned :)
The back of the classroom:
My very own white board:
Yes, I am a real teacher
The dinosaur-resembling moth that perched itself on my door:
My last two days have been much better than the first. Today was better than yesterday. I am getting used to waking up at 5am to get to school on time, learning what kinds of activities second graders are interested in, and what methods of discipline seem to work. Let me just say though, that disciplining these second graders is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had one absolutely adorable little boy sobbing today behind my door because I had to reprimand him (for fighting in the hallway!). It breaks my heart! I am trying to be tough Kirsty for now, so that they behave a little bit. My students aren't unruly, exactly...but they are very full of energy and not that good at listening to directions. But I adore them. I don't want to put pictures of them up on this blog, but maybe on my facebook page. Stay tuned :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
First day of school
Oh. my. goodness. That day just made me appreciate everyone who has ever taught me absolutely anything in my life. Teachers do not have it easy!
My first day was...really overwhelming, and really, really exhausting. I don't even know where to start writing this blog- just reliving the day via writing sounds really overwhelming to me right now! It wasn't that today was a disaster... it wasn't. My students were vivacious, but overall they weren't poorly behaved for their age group. I just spent the whole day feeling absolutely and completely woefully inadequate. I am just not equipped for this job! I don't know how to do it!
Let me start by talking about the children, because they're why I'm here. And quite honestly, I already love them. They are absolutely, absolutely, adorable. I even love the troublemakers (there are quite a few of them!), even though I'm trying to be tough on them these first few days. We had two periods of P.E. today, but they haven't been able to hire a P.E. teacher at the school, so our instructions were simply to "take them outside and play." So I got a soccer ball for the children who wanted to play soccer, and played clapping games and thumb war with some of the girls for about two hours....and I loved every second of it! These kids are so, so cute. Plus, they keep hugging me and hanging on me and just melting my heart.
As a side note to that, though- we were told that a lot of these kids come from really, really broken families and are never shown any love, which is why some of them might be overly affectionate. I ran into that problem a little bit, with a little girl in my class. I'll call her Ally, which is a shortened version her real name. As soon as we went out for recess, she ran over and gave me a really big hug. I thought it was so sweet and hugged her back (they're a lot more lax here about teachers showing affection for students than in the states) but then I couldn't shake this little girl. She kept coming back for hugs, and when I was playing with the other children she would actually grab my hands and pull me towards her to get me to pay attention to her. At one point I had to say, 'Ally, I love getting hugs from you, but maybe you could save some of them so that they're super special when you decide to give them to me.' I also had to remove myself from the hand-clapping games because the children were lining up in front of me to take turns playing with me, and finally I just said that I was done playing for the day and that they needed to play with each other. I can't be these children's mothers or friends- they need to learn how to play together. I think the social aspect of this job will end up being really challenging as well.
Anyway, my problem today just stemmed from me! And a little bit from the school administration. Pretty much everything in my lesson plan for today had to get tossed, because right at the beginning I realized that these children were not nearly at the level I expected them to be. First of all, they can barely understand or speak English. It's hard enough explaining something to a second grader, let alone one who can't speak the language being used. Then, I asked them all how old they are...and the majority of them are six. Six years old! Six years old is so young, I expected them all to be seven or eight....aren't most second graders in the U.S. at least seven years old? So while I was trying to help them fill out a fairly simple "getting to know you sheet" and explain to them the many rules that the school tries to enforce, and deal with a bunch of six year olds who would literally come up to me, wave their hands in my face, and yell "miss! miss! (read with spanish accent: meeeesss! meeeees!), I felt a very panicky feeling that I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to run a classroom! How do you entertain six year olds and teach them how to multiply at the same time? I felt so boring. I played all the games with them that I know- 'around the world' type games- but then I ran out of ideas! I literally stood there for a second this afternoon thinking, 'uuhh..now what?' because everything I had planned just wouldn't work for these kids! I wanted to be fun and exciting but I felt like I didn't know how to do that. I just don't know how to manage a classroom. It's not anyone's fault, the kids aren't bad, I never made any claims to know how to teach- but I have never, ever been in a position like this, where I just thought, "wow, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing." I'm just so ill-equipped.
The administration told us to spend the first three days of school reviewing, and then start with the curriculum on Thursday. Well, I printed out a bunch of pages from their first grade math book to help the children review, and I can testify right now that they just couldn't do it. They don't speak english! I spoke to the first grade teacher this week, and he told me that they can understand english and that they are exactly where they're supposed to be. (I'm not going to directly comment on said teacher on this blog, but suffice it to say that his arrogance makes me question his judgment about his students' comprehension levels.) Anyway, I'm hoping that they are just rusty with their English from the summer, because if they just straight up can't understand it, it will be a very long year. So that's the first problem- I don't know how to review with them. The second problem is with the curriculum itself. It's very nice because the curriculum is extremely detailed, and tells us exactly what to cover each day. However, the curriculum is written for rich, American, english-speaking children. The curriculum calls for resources that the school simply does not have, and we are trying to apply this curriculum to who are learning in a language that their parents can't speak. This is their second language. So we are in a very difficult position.
I don't know if any teachers are reading this, but if you are...please send me advice. I don't know how to do this! I feel very inadequate, and I feel so bummed because I already love these children and want them to have a really great year. We were also just told today that the school couldn't hire an art teacher, either...so I am running art class tomorrow. agggh. So...also send ideas for art projects?
It's only the first day. But it did not go the way I wanted it to! gahhhhh... is it the weekend yet?
My first day was...really overwhelming, and really, really exhausting. I don't even know where to start writing this blog- just reliving the day via writing sounds really overwhelming to me right now! It wasn't that today was a disaster... it wasn't. My students were vivacious, but overall they weren't poorly behaved for their age group. I just spent the whole day feeling absolutely and completely woefully inadequate. I am just not equipped for this job! I don't know how to do it!
Let me start by talking about the children, because they're why I'm here. And quite honestly, I already love them. They are absolutely, absolutely, adorable. I even love the troublemakers (there are quite a few of them!), even though I'm trying to be tough on them these first few days. We had two periods of P.E. today, but they haven't been able to hire a P.E. teacher at the school, so our instructions were simply to "take them outside and play." So I got a soccer ball for the children who wanted to play soccer, and played clapping games and thumb war with some of the girls for about two hours....and I loved every second of it! These kids are so, so cute. Plus, they keep hugging me and hanging on me and just melting my heart.
As a side note to that, though- we were told that a lot of these kids come from really, really broken families and are never shown any love, which is why some of them might be overly affectionate. I ran into that problem a little bit, with a little girl in my class. I'll call her Ally, which is a shortened version her real name. As soon as we went out for recess, she ran over and gave me a really big hug. I thought it was so sweet and hugged her back (they're a lot more lax here about teachers showing affection for students than in the states) but then I couldn't shake this little girl. She kept coming back for hugs, and when I was playing with the other children she would actually grab my hands and pull me towards her to get me to pay attention to her. At one point I had to say, 'Ally, I love getting hugs from you, but maybe you could save some of them so that they're super special when you decide to give them to me.' I also had to remove myself from the hand-clapping games because the children were lining up in front of me to take turns playing with me, and finally I just said that I was done playing for the day and that they needed to play with each other. I can't be these children's mothers or friends- they need to learn how to play together. I think the social aspect of this job will end up being really challenging as well.
Anyway, my problem today just stemmed from me! And a little bit from the school administration. Pretty much everything in my lesson plan for today had to get tossed, because right at the beginning I realized that these children were not nearly at the level I expected them to be. First of all, they can barely understand or speak English. It's hard enough explaining something to a second grader, let alone one who can't speak the language being used. Then, I asked them all how old they are...and the majority of them are six. Six years old! Six years old is so young, I expected them all to be seven or eight....aren't most second graders in the U.S. at least seven years old? So while I was trying to help them fill out a fairly simple "getting to know you sheet" and explain to them the many rules that the school tries to enforce, and deal with a bunch of six year olds who would literally come up to me, wave their hands in my face, and yell "miss! miss! (read with spanish accent: meeeesss! meeeees!), I felt a very panicky feeling that I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to run a classroom! How do you entertain six year olds and teach them how to multiply at the same time? I felt so boring. I played all the games with them that I know- 'around the world' type games- but then I ran out of ideas! I literally stood there for a second this afternoon thinking, 'uuhh..now what?' because everything I had planned just wouldn't work for these kids! I wanted to be fun and exciting but I felt like I didn't know how to do that. I just don't know how to manage a classroom. It's not anyone's fault, the kids aren't bad, I never made any claims to know how to teach- but I have never, ever been in a position like this, where I just thought, "wow, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing." I'm just so ill-equipped.
The administration told us to spend the first three days of school reviewing, and then start with the curriculum on Thursday. Well, I printed out a bunch of pages from their first grade math book to help the children review, and I can testify right now that they just couldn't do it. They don't speak english! I spoke to the first grade teacher this week, and he told me that they can understand english and that they are exactly where they're supposed to be. (I'm not going to directly comment on said teacher on this blog, but suffice it to say that his arrogance makes me question his judgment about his students' comprehension levels.) Anyway, I'm hoping that they are just rusty with their English from the summer, because if they just straight up can't understand it, it will be a very long year. So that's the first problem- I don't know how to review with them. The second problem is with the curriculum itself. It's very nice because the curriculum is extremely detailed, and tells us exactly what to cover each day. However, the curriculum is written for rich, American, english-speaking children. The curriculum calls for resources that the school simply does not have, and we are trying to apply this curriculum to who are learning in a language that their parents can't speak. This is their second language. So we are in a very difficult position.
I don't know if any teachers are reading this, but if you are...please send me advice. I don't know how to do this! I feel very inadequate, and I feel so bummed because I already love these children and want them to have a really great year. We were also just told today that the school couldn't hire an art teacher, either...so I am running art class tomorrow. agggh. So...also send ideas for art projects?
It's only the first day. But it did not go the way I wanted it to! gahhhhh... is it the weekend yet?
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