Exhaustion

It's kind of funny. Looking back on my blogs, I think they sound a lot chirpier than I actually am. In truth, this week has been absolutely and completely exhausting. I felt stressed out for the majority of it. I feel totally inadequate as a teacher. The teacher my students had in first grade was very militant (there's no other word to describe how he treats his students), and now that they have me, I think they are much more inclined to misbehave. I don't know how to control second graders, or teach them what they need to know. Especially when they can't speak English. A little girl spilled yesterday, and I asked her to go find someone to clean it up, and she had no idea what I was saying. There is a huge language barrier here that I don't know how to overcome.

We still don't have workbooks for our students. People have said to me, "well, at least you're getting workbooks," but that doesn't really make me feel better. The administration told us all along that we would have workbooks. The Abundant Life school in Tegucigalpa has proper soccer uniforms for the students there, but we don't have workbooks or school supplies. Three out of the five nights this week I have gone to bed crying because I just don't know how to do this, and I'm so scared to let these kids down. I don't care about getting in trouble from the administration (their expectations of us are completely unrealistic) or anything like that. I just want these children to have a wonderful second grade year, and I'm scared I don't know how to give that to them. I also am still getting used to the electricity going out every day, incredibly slow (if existent) internet, bugs everywhere, cold showers, untethered dogs, etc.

It's been a very long week.