Sorry for the Miley Cyrus reference, I couldn't resist. It's official... I am coming home in July!! I have been struggling and struggling with my decision for the past month or so, but after talking to my mom, my best friend, and people here, I am certain that my next step is to come home. As much as it will break my heart to leave my students and the mountains, I really want to make every year of my 20s a new adventure. I am ready for the next thing. I have some great options for law school (I haven't picked one yet) and I could end up in a lot of cool places. Most of the law programs I'm looking at have summer abroad opportunities also, so my traveling is nowhere near over.
Being in Honduras has made me really excited to practice law. I am hoping to study either international or immigration law, both of which would allow me to help people like my neighbors, friends, and students in Honduras. I want to use my Spanish and never stop traveling and never stop exploring new adventures. I mean, come on... I have the whole world in front of me!
So, I feel great about my decision. I'm excited to come home and drink Starbucks. But I'm more excited to come home and apply everything I've learned this year to my life in the States. I am just a different person now than I was seven months ago. I have changed in a way that I didn't know I could.
Today is Saturday, which means I'll spend the day lounging around in my hammock and looking at the mountain in my backyard. My life gives new meaning to the word blessed. And I think the best is yet to come!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Meetings
Well, things have been going pretty smoothly at Vida Abundante. The last three months have absolutely flown by; I cannot believe that it's the middle of March already. It's kind of alarming...where did the time go? But everything is so good. I feel confident with my classes, my students are well-behaved and seem happy, and I am comfortable in my little house on the mountain.
The biggest challenge I feel like I'm facing these days is exhaustion. Not just my own exhaustion, but that of my students as well. We haven't had a day off since we returned from Christmas break on January 4th. That's a long time. They also have very long days for an elementary school- we go from 7:40-3:00. I stay and tutor a student every day after school too, so I'm actually there until 4pm. Those are long days and long weeks. Furthermore, the students are all sick! I had 12 students in my class on Monday, and we're a class of 19. That's a lot.
So, I wrote to the administrators in Tegucigalpa, and asked them if we could have a day off. I have always had a gift for diplomacy, even for silly things. In high school, I was always the one asking teachers for an extra day to study for a test. Now, I feel that I'm often the teacher asking for stuff... who knows what they think of me over in Tegucigalpa! Anyway, they shot me right down about the day off. They told me that, and this is a direct quote,
"In our country, most jobs require employees to work Saturdays, education being an exception to allow teachers to rest. [...] We are just two weeks away from spring break, we are certain that if this time is managed appropriately everyone will have plenty of time to rest." Hmm. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere via email, so I requested a meeting.
The meeting wasn't just for a day off. I have a lot of things that I think Vida Abundante could help work towards. So, I met with these two administrators when they came to our school. First, I explained why I had requested a day off. They were receptive; they said that although they couldn't just put a free day into the calendar, they would give us a week without tutoring and then they decided to have an early dismissal for the students on Friday. Hey... I'll take what I can get!
But more importantly, I talked to them about two proposals I have for our school. In my last blog I talked about the gender roles here in Honduras. I proposed that the administrators initiate some sort of sex education program for the junior high and high school students in Vida Abundante. This school offers an amazing opportunity for students. Learning English opens all sorts of doors for them. However, knowing English won't do much if they have to support children while they're teenagers. I suggested a program making students aware of the ramifications involved in the decision to have sex, and how to protect themselves if they do decide to have sex. By doing this, we would be empowering both our male and female students. I am really happy to say that the administrators were extremely open to that idea and seemed interested in trying to start some sort of sex education program in the schools.
I also talked to them about starting some sort of dialogue with parents about proper discipline methods. Spanking might be culturally acceptable, but that doesn't mean that we can't strive to change that. I'm not talking about the legal issues of spanking (like they thought I was), I'm talking about it as a moral issue. An adult shouldn't be striking a child. That's just the bottom line. The administrators said that they are going to look into seeing what they can do to start some sort of dialogue with parents about how the school would like to see children being disciplined at home-- i.e. without violence.
Anyway, it was a good meeting. I feel happy that they were so receptive to what I had to say, and I'm optimistic that something might actually come out of it. In the meantime, I'm still working on this decision that I have to make by Friday. I'm starting to feel some peace with what I'm going to do... I'll write about it after I have the meeting with my principal on Friday. Until then... if you read all of that... thank you. and que le vaya bien!
The biggest challenge I feel like I'm facing these days is exhaustion. Not just my own exhaustion, but that of my students as well. We haven't had a day off since we returned from Christmas break on January 4th. That's a long time. They also have very long days for an elementary school- we go from 7:40-3:00. I stay and tutor a student every day after school too, so I'm actually there until 4pm. Those are long days and long weeks. Furthermore, the students are all sick! I had 12 students in my class on Monday, and we're a class of 19. That's a lot.
So, I wrote to the administrators in Tegucigalpa, and asked them if we could have a day off. I have always had a gift for diplomacy, even for silly things. In high school, I was always the one asking teachers for an extra day to study for a test. Now, I feel that I'm often the teacher asking for stuff... who knows what they think of me over in Tegucigalpa! Anyway, they shot me right down about the day off. They told me that, and this is a direct quote,
"In our country, most jobs require employees to work Saturdays, education being an exception to allow teachers to rest. [...] We are just two weeks away from spring break, we are certain that if this time is managed appropriately everyone will have plenty of time to rest." Hmm. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere via email, so I requested a meeting.
The meeting wasn't just for a day off. I have a lot of things that I think Vida Abundante could help work towards. So, I met with these two administrators when they came to our school. First, I explained why I had requested a day off. They were receptive; they said that although they couldn't just put a free day into the calendar, they would give us a week without tutoring and then they decided to have an early dismissal for the students on Friday. Hey... I'll take what I can get!
But more importantly, I talked to them about two proposals I have for our school. In my last blog I talked about the gender roles here in Honduras. I proposed that the administrators initiate some sort of sex education program for the junior high and high school students in Vida Abundante. This school offers an amazing opportunity for students. Learning English opens all sorts of doors for them. However, knowing English won't do much if they have to support children while they're teenagers. I suggested a program making students aware of the ramifications involved in the decision to have sex, and how to protect themselves if they do decide to have sex. By doing this, we would be empowering both our male and female students. I am really happy to say that the administrators were extremely open to that idea and seemed interested in trying to start some sort of sex education program in the schools.
I also talked to them about starting some sort of dialogue with parents about proper discipline methods. Spanking might be culturally acceptable, but that doesn't mean that we can't strive to change that. I'm not talking about the legal issues of spanking (like they thought I was), I'm talking about it as a moral issue. An adult shouldn't be striking a child. That's just the bottom line. The administrators said that they are going to look into seeing what they can do to start some sort of dialogue with parents about how the school would like to see children being disciplined at home-- i.e. without violence.
Anyway, it was a good meeting. I feel happy that they were so receptive to what I had to say, and I'm optimistic that something might actually come out of it. In the meantime, I'm still working on this decision that I have to make by Friday. I'm starting to feel some peace with what I'm going to do... I'll write about it after I have the meeting with my principal on Friday. Until then... if you read all of that... thank you. and que le vaya bien!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Women and Honduras
The norm for women in Honduras makes me really sad. The majority of women here seem have a very specific goal in life, and that goal is to be a mother. I am going to include two disclaimers here. The first- I'm not pretending to know how all of the women in Honduras feel. But based on talking to my neighbors (and the strange looks I always accrue when I try to share my liberal, feminist ideas with them), and the high school students at our school, it really does seem that most of the women here just take it for granted that they need find a husband and make babies....and sooner, rather than later. For this reason, there are an incredible amount of teenage mothers here. One of the 22-year-old Honduran teachers at my school has a five-year-old son and another on the way. She’s married to a 35-year-old man.
My second disclaimer is that, of course, there is nothing wrong with being a mother. Being a mother is a wonderful and important thing. The part that makes me sad is the lack of choice. Women here have to fight so hard if they want to do something different. They are met with huge societal obstacles when they dream about something else. This reality upsets me the most when I think about the girls in my class growing up with that mindset. They will have to fight so much harder to not only fulfill other dreams, but to even have other dreams to fulfill. I want my students, both the girls and the boys, to know that their dreams have no limits! They can do whatever they want to do! Especially the girls. Some of the girls in my class are just such bright children, it breaks my heart to think that they might ever doubt their potential to soar. 
I don’t want my students to ever, ever grow up and think they can’t do something. I try to tell them every day how smart they are. I try to tell them every day that they can do anything they want to do when they grow up. It's not much at all, but what else can I do?
I have always been someone who strives to effect change. I like to try and change things, even on a very tiny scale. But here I am faced with a situation that I really can't change. For now, all I can do is be a strong role model and show these girls that they don't have to be teenage moms, if they don't want to be. It's hard to not get down on myself for not doing more...but I don't know what else to do. 
My second disclaimer is that, of course, there is nothing wrong with being a mother. Being a mother is a wonderful and important thing. The part that makes me sad is the lack of choice. Women here have to fight so hard if they want to do something different. They are met with huge societal obstacles when they dream about something else. This reality upsets me the most when I think about the girls in my class growing up with that mindset. They will have to fight so much harder to not only fulfill other dreams, but to even have other dreams to fulfill. I want my students, both the girls and the boys, to know that their dreams have no limits! They can do whatever they want to do! Especially the girls. Some of the girls in my class are just such bright children, it breaks my heart to think that they might ever doubt their potential to soar. 
I don’t want my students to ever, ever grow up and think they can’t do something. I try to tell them every day how smart they are. I try to tell them every day that they can do anything they want to do when they grow up. It's not much at all, but what else can I do?
I have always been someone who strives to effect change. I like to try and change things, even on a very tiny scale. But here I am faced with a situation that I really can't change. For now, all I can do is be a strong role model and show these girls that they don't have to be teenage moms, if they don't want to be. It's hard to not get down on myself for not doing more...but I don't know what else to do. 
Monday, March 1, 2010
Good Christians
My neighbors, who are missionaries from the Philippines and also teachers at my school, play Christian music really, really loudly every day. It's playing right now. I don't have real windows in my house (they're more like holes in the wall), so I also get the pleasure of listening to their music in the afternoons. As a side note, I also get the pleasure of hearing the revving of their motorcycle every single morning and the barking of their crazy dog at all hours of the day and night. Anyway though, today, I was horrified (but unfortunately not surprised) to realize that their music was covering up another sound- the sound of parents yelling and a child screaming.
I have wanted to blog about this for a while, but I haven't. It's a very sensitive subject, and I don't want to take this topic out of cultural context. In Honduras, parents spank their children. It's a cultural norm. Please don't get me wrong. I hate spanking, and the fact that it's a cultural norm doesn't make it okay. It's tragic. But it is the reality of life here.
There are varying degrees of spanking. In the United States, whipping a child with a belt is unheard of. It's child abuse. Here, it's common. This has been the thing I have struggled with the most this year. I have students who get severely hit if they earn a bad grade on a test. I have others who are severely hit when they get sent to the office for discipline reasons. I have spoken to the principal about it, but while he is understanding of my concerns and always voices the intention to help, he never actually steps in and does anything. So I am left in the position of trying to do everything in my power to not cause my students to be beaten by their parents.
My Filipino neighbors beat their four-year-old son. I have heard them yelling, him crying, and the sound of beating. It has gone on for varying lengths, anywhere from five to fifteen minutes. If I were in the states, I would call the police. Here, I'm left lingering outside their house, pretending to be on the phone and speaking really loudly, in the hopes that they might see me and stop. I tried to stop them once. I actually walked out of my house and stood in front of theirs, only to find myself paralyzed and unable to yell their names. What would I say if they came out? What if they punished their son even more severely? I have never felt so helpless in my life.
I have talked to the principal about it, but nothing has happened. It's unbelievably difficult for me. I don't know how to listen to a child be beaten without stopping it, but I also don't know how to approach my neighbors and colleagues about the fact that I think they're abusing their child. They won't listen to me, and they'll probably take it out on their son.
A couple of minutes ago, the Christian music stopped, and so did the sounds coming out of that little blue house. I'm left with a heavy heart and the smell of hypocrisy lingers in the air.
I have wanted to blog about this for a while, but I haven't. It's a very sensitive subject, and I don't want to take this topic out of cultural context. In Honduras, parents spank their children. It's a cultural norm. Please don't get me wrong. I hate spanking, and the fact that it's a cultural norm doesn't make it okay. It's tragic. But it is the reality of life here.
There are varying degrees of spanking. In the United States, whipping a child with a belt is unheard of. It's child abuse. Here, it's common. This has been the thing I have struggled with the most this year. I have students who get severely hit if they earn a bad grade on a test. I have others who are severely hit when they get sent to the office for discipline reasons. I have spoken to the principal about it, but while he is understanding of my concerns and always voices the intention to help, he never actually steps in and does anything. So I am left in the position of trying to do everything in my power to not cause my students to be beaten by their parents.
My Filipino neighbors beat their four-year-old son. I have heard them yelling, him crying, and the sound of beating. It has gone on for varying lengths, anywhere from five to fifteen minutes. If I were in the states, I would call the police. Here, I'm left lingering outside their house, pretending to be on the phone and speaking really loudly, in the hopes that they might see me and stop. I tried to stop them once. I actually walked out of my house and stood in front of theirs, only to find myself paralyzed and unable to yell their names. What would I say if they came out? What if they punished their son even more severely? I have never felt so helpless in my life.
I have talked to the principal about it, but nothing has happened. It's unbelievably difficult for me. I don't know how to listen to a child be beaten without stopping it, but I also don't know how to approach my neighbors and colleagues about the fact that I think they're abusing their child. They won't listen to me, and they'll probably take it out on their son.
A couple of minutes ago, the Christian music stopped, and so did the sounds coming out of that little blue house. I'm left with a heavy heart and the smell of hypocrisy lingers in the air.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Bug bites and sunburn
I have bed bugs. I never knew that bed bugs actually exist, but I'm certain now that they do. This week, I woke up with a little series of bites on my left thigh. They were little bumps, almost like a rash. And they itch like crazy! They were also scattered all over my back. Today I woke up with another set of them, on my ribcage. Throughout the week, I've acquired several other bites as well. As a result of the warm weather, the bugs are just out. They aren't deterred by clothing, either. I have gotten bites on my butt when I have long pants on. Very annoying. I'm trying not to scratch too much... I don't want scars! I have no idea what the bugs are, which is frustrating too. There are all sorts, including some nasty black ones that leave pin-sized drops of blood that you have to pop. It's great.
Last week, I went to the river and wore my bathing suit under my clothes. I was there for maybe an hour, and walked away with the worst sunburn of my life. Seriously. That night I rolled over onto my stomach in my sleep, and woke up gasping in pain. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance! Anyway, now it's peeling and it looks like I have a disease. But I will say, I'll take my sunburn over the snowstorms that are currently attacking the midwest! Sorry, family.
Last week, I went to the river and wore my bathing suit under my clothes. I was there for maybe an hour, and walked away with the worst sunburn of my life. Seriously. That night I rolled over onto my stomach in my sleep, and woke up gasping in pain. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance! Anyway, now it's peeling and it looks like I have a disease. But I will say, I'll take my sunburn over the snowstorms that are currently attacking the midwest! Sorry, family.
Friday, February 26, 2010
My future
Wow...it has been over a week since I last posted. That's hard to believe. This past week went very quickly for me, probably because I have a big deadline approaching and I am starting to develop some serious anxiety about my future.
The principals have been asking the American teachers if we are planning on returning next year. Most of the girls said no. One said yes and two said maybe. I'm one of the two maybes. I talked to my principal on Monday and explained to him my situation... basically that I have applied for law schools but am not sure if I want to go to law school. I need more time to find out where I have been accepted and if I want to attend. He told me I could let him know by the middle of March.
So, I'm feeling the pressure. I love the idea of coming back to Honduras. I think my second year of teaching would be better than this year... I love thinking about how I could improve things my second time around. I think it would be so great to watch my students go on to third grade and stay with the school for another year. This time I would know what's up! I could continue to work on my Spanish. I would keep living my life in paradise, with the mountains, the lack of television, lack of traffic, lack of...excess stuff in my life. I also love thinking that I could really have an impact on a community. Two years is a pretty significant chunk of time.
But I'm still waiting to hear back from law schools. I have applied to some really cool schools...if I get into any of them, they will provide great opportunities for me. I also miss the United States. I get so frustrated by things like not being able to see my family and friends regularly. They can't even call me here. I miss things like clean floors, beds without bugs, showers with water pressure, restaurants with variety, toilets that flush paper. I love school and would certainly enjoy being back on a college campus. I don't know how I'm supposed to make a decision like this, especially when I haven't heard from a bunch of schools yet!
The piece of this that breaks my heart is my students. I just can't bear to think about leaving them in three months. They are aware that most of the teachers are only there for a year, and they always ask me if I'm going back to the United States soon. One of my little boys just wrapped his arms around me this week and said, "Please stay here, Miss Mac." Try walking away from kids like that. It's really, really hard.
My mom told me not to panic yet. She said that I should wait a week before panicking. So I'm going to try to take her advice and just think and reflect on this as much as possible until I feel some peace one way or another. I wish I could stop time for a bit... it always seems to go so fast.
The principals have been asking the American teachers if we are planning on returning next year. Most of the girls said no. One said yes and two said maybe. I'm one of the two maybes. I talked to my principal on Monday and explained to him my situation... basically that I have applied for law schools but am not sure if I want to go to law school. I need more time to find out where I have been accepted and if I want to attend. He told me I could let him know by the middle of March.
So, I'm feeling the pressure. I love the idea of coming back to Honduras. I think my second year of teaching would be better than this year... I love thinking about how I could improve things my second time around. I think it would be so great to watch my students go on to third grade and stay with the school for another year. This time I would know what's up! I could continue to work on my Spanish. I would keep living my life in paradise, with the mountains, the lack of television, lack of traffic, lack of...excess stuff in my life. I also love thinking that I could really have an impact on a community. Two years is a pretty significant chunk of time.
But I'm still waiting to hear back from law schools. I have applied to some really cool schools...if I get into any of them, they will provide great opportunities for me. I also miss the United States. I get so frustrated by things like not being able to see my family and friends regularly. They can't even call me here. I miss things like clean floors, beds without bugs, showers with water pressure, restaurants with variety, toilets that flush paper. I love school and would certainly enjoy being back on a college campus. I don't know how I'm supposed to make a decision like this, especially when I haven't heard from a bunch of schools yet!
The piece of this that breaks my heart is my students. I just can't bear to think about leaving them in three months. They are aware that most of the teachers are only there for a year, and they always ask me if I'm going back to the United States soon. One of my little boys just wrapped his arms around me this week and said, "Please stay here, Miss Mac." Try walking away from kids like that. It's really, really hard.
My mom told me not to panic yet. She said that I should wait a week before panicking. So I'm going to try to take her advice and just think and reflect on this as much as possible until I feel some peace one way or another. I wish I could stop time for a bit... it always seems to go so fast.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
For he's a rocker
Today, Mathew helped me in our reading class. Reading class is a good way for visitors to bond with my kids, because it's really easy to manage and it allows for a lot of interaction and discussion. Anyway, I split the class into two groups and we each took a group. (I found the "Mathew here" chants coming from both sides of the room amusing, rather than disheartening.) So we each took a reading group and then switched halfway through. After we switched, the first group that Mathew had worked with just couldn't stop imitating him. They imitated his American, hippy drawl and the way he moves his hands when he speaks. They thought he was just hilarious.
After the lunch bell rang, one of my littlest students was waiting for me. This particular little boy is awesome...once he brought me Dunkin Donuts from San Pedro Sula (unless you live in Honduras you just can't understand what a treat that was) and I think he bears a striking resemblance to Richard Alpert on LOST. Check it out:
Anyway, he was waiting for me and said with a very cute smile, "Miss Mac... Mr. Mathew should be in Hollywood." I was so taken back by this comment that all I could say in response was, "Why do you say that?" He answered, "For he's a rocker!" And laughed and ran off. It was absolutely so adorable, just one of those moment I wish I'd had on camera. As a side note, it's an interesting language thing...the children always say "for" instead of "because." It makes for some pretty funny sentences.
Anyway, every time I see Mathew in the school he is just being bombarded by tiny children. It's awesome having him here.
After the lunch bell rang, one of my littlest students was waiting for me. This particular little boy is awesome...once he brought me Dunkin Donuts from San Pedro Sula (unless you live in Honduras you just can't understand what a treat that was) and I think he bears a striking resemblance to Richard Alpert on LOST. Check it out:
Anyway, he was waiting for me and said with a very cute smile, "Miss Mac... Mr. Mathew should be in Hollywood." I was so taken back by this comment that all I could say in response was, "Why do you say that?" He answered, "For he's a rocker!" And laughed and ran off. It was absolutely so adorable, just one of those moment I wish I'd had on camera. As a side note, it's an interesting language thing...the children always say "for" instead of "because." It makes for some pretty funny sentences.
Anyway, every time I see Mathew in the school he is just being bombarded by tiny children. It's awesome having him here.
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