Bug bites and sunburn

I have bed bugs. I never knew that bed bugs actually exist, but I'm certain now that they do. This week, I woke up with a little series of bites on my left thigh. They were little bumps, almost like a rash. And they itch like crazy! They were also scattered all over my back. Today I woke up with another set of them, on my ribcage. Throughout the week, I've acquired several other bites as well. As a result of the warm weather, the bugs are just out. They aren't deterred by clothing, either. I have gotten bites on my butt when I have long pants on. Very annoying. I'm trying not to scratch too much... I don't want scars! I have no idea what the bugs are, which is frustrating too. There are all sorts, including some nasty black ones that leave pin-sized drops of blood that you have to pop. It's great.

Last week, I went to the river and wore my bathing suit under my clothes. I was there for maybe an hour, and walked away with the worst sunburn of my life. Seriously. That night I rolled over onto my stomach in my sleep, and woke up gasping in pain. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance! Anyway, now it's peeling and it looks like I have a disease. But I will say, I'll take my sunburn over the snowstorms that are currently attacking the midwest! Sorry, family.

My future

Wow...it has been over a week since I last posted. That's hard to believe. This past week went very quickly for me, probably because I have a big deadline approaching and I am starting to develop some serious anxiety about my future.

The principals have been asking the American teachers if we are planning on returning next year. Most of the girls said no. One said yes and two said maybe. I'm one of the two maybes. I talked to my principal on Monday and explained to him my situation... basically that I have applied for law schools but am not sure if I want to go to law school. I need more time to find out where I have been accepted and if I want to attend. He told me I could let him know by the middle of March.

So, I'm feeling the pressure. I love the idea of coming back to Honduras. I think my second year of teaching would be better than this year... I love thinking about how I could improve things my second time around. I think it would be so great to watch my students go on to third grade and stay with the school for another year. This time I would know what's up! I could continue to work on my Spanish. I would keep living my life in paradise, with the mountains, the lack of television, lack of traffic, lack of...excess stuff in my life. I also love thinking that I could really have an impact on a community. Two years is a pretty significant chunk of time.

But I'm still waiting to hear back from law schools. I have applied to some really cool schools...if I get into any of them, they will provide great opportunities for me. I also miss the United States. I get so frustrated by things like not being able to see my family and friends regularly. They can't even call me here. I miss things like clean floors, beds without bugs, showers with water pressure, restaurants with variety, toilets that flush paper. I love school and would certainly enjoy being back on a college campus. I don't know how I'm supposed to make a decision like this, especially when I haven't heard from a bunch of schools yet!

The piece of this that breaks my heart is my students. I just can't bear to think about leaving them in three months. They are aware that most of the teachers are only there for a year, and they always ask me if I'm going back to the United States soon. One of my little boys just wrapped his arms around me this week and said, "Please stay here, Miss Mac." Try walking away from kids like that. It's really, really hard.

My mom told me not to panic yet. She said that I should wait a week before panicking. So I'm going to try to take her advice and just think and reflect on this as much as possible until I feel some peace one way or another. I wish I could stop time for a bit... it always seems to go so fast.

For he's a rocker

Today, Mathew helped me in our reading class. Reading class is a good way for visitors to bond with my kids, because it's really easy to manage and it allows for a lot of interaction and discussion. Anyway, I split the class into two groups and we each took a group. (I found the "Mathew here" chants coming from both sides of the room amusing, rather than disheartening.) So we each took a reading group and then switched halfway through. After we switched, the first group that Mathew had worked with just couldn't stop imitating him. They imitated his American, hippy drawl and the way he moves his hands when he speaks. They thought he was just hilarious.

After the lunch bell rang, one of my littlest students was waiting for me. This particular little boy is awesome...once he brought me Dunkin Donuts from San Pedro Sula (unless you live in Honduras you just can't understand what a treat that was) and I think he bears a striking resemblance to Richard Alpert on LOST. Check it out:

Anyway, he was waiting for me and said with a very cute smile, "Miss Mac... Mr. Mathew should be in Hollywood." I was so taken back by this comment that all I could say in response was, "Why do you say that?" He answered, "For he's a rocker!" And laughed and ran off. It was absolutely so adorable, just one of those moment I wish I'd had on camera. As a side note, it's an interesting language thing...the children always say "for" instead of "because." It makes for some pretty funny sentences.

Anyway, every time I see Mathew in the school he is just being bombarded by tiny children. It's awesome having him here.

New eyes

My brother, Mathew, has come to visit! The trip has been long anticipated, by me, by him, and by my students. When I told them that my brother was coming, they literally cheered. Then when he arrived, they were just so excited to talk to him. They don't see a lot of guys like him. He's tall, first of all...Hondurans in general are pretty short. Just to put that statement in perspective- when I'm standing in a group of Hondurans, I'm usually not the shortest one. But also, he has a lot of hair. When he first arrived, he said a few words to introduce himself and then I asked my students if they had any questions for him. To this, Javier raised his hand and said, "You are very hairy." Mathew and I both cracked up. He went to go watch their P.E. class, and he literally came back with three little seven year old girls hanging on him. It's been awesome having him at school.

But in addition to that, in addition to him being at the school, it has been so refreshing to have him here because he provides entirely new eyes--an entirely different way to see and to appreciate my life here. He is so staggered by everything. I still feel staggered by things, but it's different for me. It's not new. Having Mathew here makes me so excited to show him where I live and what I've been doing. It's made me so proud to live here and lead the life that I'm currently leading.

We started our week by spending a lot of time on buses. He arrived on Saturday, and on that same day we went to Copan. The trip took approximately five hours... a long time for him, after having traveled from the US, and for me, after having traveled from Gracias.






We only had one night and one morning in Copan, but we were able to eat some amazing baleadas and some ridiculously delicious breakfast (eggs, plantains, avocado, tortillas, cheese and coffee for $2.50/plate) before heading back to Gracias.

As I remembered, the ruins were amazing. Before we even saw any ruins, though, we saw some amazing wild macaws in the trees, as well as a gopher type thing that we couldn't really identify.




And then we looked at, climbed, and danced on some really, really old rocks.








The town of Copan is really beautiful also. It was a good way to introduce Honduras to Matty.




As I said, though, we only spent one day in Copan. Then we hopped on three more buses to get to Gracias on Sunday evening. Mathew kept expressing awe over everything. He couldn't believe the mountains, the school, the children, the wildlife, the silence, the smells. I loved seeing his reaction, and it validated what I already thought...that I live in paradise. Every time he voices his amazement at something, it rekindles my own amazement. It's awesome.

Mathew's being here has also made me question, once again, my decision to go back to school next year. He is a film and video major at RISD, and he's talking about going all around the world to make documentaries... and I really want to do that too! I think I'd be great at telling people's stories, and the idea of sitting in an office in the states for the rest of my life makes me feel very unsettled. I just can't see myself going to Ohio State (barf) for law school next year. I want to go to South America. I just wish I could find a productive way to travel, one that I feel would further my long-term goals. Traveling and teaching are both awesome things, but I know I don't want to be a teacher. It's so stupid... I'm two years out of college and still don't know what I want to do with myself.

For right now... I don't know what I've done to deserve the life that I'm currently living, but I am just going to do my best to enjoy it. Honduras es amor.

My music comes with me

It's funny. My life here is so unusual. It's so distinctly peaceful, it's incredibly rewarding, it's basically without real problems. I have grown accustomed to adorable children throwing their arms around me every morning, I'm used to seeing the mountains as I walk the unpaved dirt path to school, I expect to feel the warm breeze outside every morning, and I'm used to speaking Spanish to pretty much everyone except my fellow teachers. I often forget how unusual my life and experiences are. Many people never have the opportunity to experience anything like this.

And as the time passes, I realize that I must be changing, too. Things that might not have been normal for me a year ago are commonplace now. My mom noted over Christmas that I seemed more confident, my brother commented that I'm "calmer." haha. These subtle changes are not remotely noticeable to me, but I recognize that these experiences I'm having must have some sort of effect on me.

Today, I was jogging after school, and a very familiar song came onto my iPod shuffle. The summer I interned at CNN, I woke up early every morning to run, and I started all of my workouts with this particular song. While it played today, I could not help but remember the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial and the Reflecting Pool, which I looped around during my runs. They are such a far cry from the mountains that punctuate my reality now. I love that my music can come with me and remain constant. Every song holds memories and emotions, but I listen to many of them now cognitively. I remember the emotions without necessarily feeling them, I relive memories without feeling nostalgia. It kind of makes me feel old. It definitely makes me feel like I'm growing.

Almost a year ago, I left for Europe with my best friend. We toured around Spain and Italy and spent an infamous weekend in Morocco. We celebrated Carnival in Sitges, ate pesto in Rome, bartered with some salesmen in Tangier and went to a bullfight in Madrid. I laugh now, thinking about how much we freaked out about a cockroach that made its way into our kitchen... if only I had known the size of the bugs I'd be facing a few months later! Those experiences don't feel like they could possibly have started a year ago. I listened to a lot of music as we traveled through Europe and spent weeks lounging on the Mediterranean beaches. I know that the songs I associate with that trip will always hold very specific memories of the places, people, and emotions that I felt while I listened to them.

I have no idea where I'll be in a year from now, and that's kind of scary. But it's really nice to know that no matter what, my music will come with me.

One minute before the bell

I turned on my computer and just started taping while the kids were playing... they're so cute! Notice Maria, at the end of the tape, who takes the opportunity to stick her tongue out at the camera while hugging me.

The River

Since Christmas, I have been spending more time at the river. I live on the side of a mountain, and there is an incredibly gorgeous natural river that runs next to our house. It's so peaceful there. The sound of the river is amazing, it smells so clean and fresh, and it's just unbelievably beautiful. I brought my iPod there the first time I went, but didn't even turn it on because I didn't want to drown out the sound of the moving water. I went rock hopping probably a half mile up (it's enormous, I have no idea how far it goes) and I have spent time writing and reading there. I constantly have to remind myself how lucky I am to live somewhere like this. The pictures are of the river and the only street in my neighborhood. More to come.